Ok.
Ok. Geez!
Ok. Geez! Ow!
Geez! Ow! We're out of time.
Ok.
And we're clear. Well, that wasn't very good. I'm sorry.
Oh, no, it's all right.
Really.
Really. You're just not very good.
Wh... No.
Wh... No. I'm loving... No. I'm loving... Cuddly.
Ha! He really mailed
cuddly. Ha! He really mailed that one in.
Hi.
That one in. Hi. Aren't there usually
hi. Aren't there usually questions and answers, or am
aren't there usually questions and answers, or am I just wrong about that?
Questions and answers, or am I just wrong about that? I just keep thinking
about last week's show.
It had everything--
action, girls, kung-fu sex...
Eruptions from your mouth.
Action, girls, kung-fu sex... Eruptions from your mouth. Shut up, mantis!
Pfft!
I'll spin your head off so
pfft! I'll spin your head off so fast, it'll travel back in time!
Fast, it'll travel back in time! To a period when bugs wore suits
and opened doors while saying
to a period when bugs wore suits and opened doors while saying "thank you" and "yes, please."
And opened doors while saying "thank you" and "yes, please." Um...
"Thank you" and "yes, please." Um... I have no response to that.
It's like working
with children, Jerry.
Yeah.
With children, Jerry. Yeah. Green ones.
Well, are we surprised?
Heh heh heh!
Now, listen up as I tell the
heh heh heh! Now, listen up as I tell the tale of 15 sexy kung-fu minutes.
Kung-fu...Kung-fu...
Tale of 15 sexy kung-fu minutes. Kung-fu...Kung-fu... Did you create the show?
By "create," you mean write,
did you create the show? By "create, " you mean write, produce, direct, and star in?
By "create," you mean write, produce, direct, and star in? Yeah.
Produce, direct, and star in? Yeah. Then, yes.
I created it for you...
For Christmas.
In my wildest fantasies,
for Christmas. In my wildest fantasies, I never imagined that
in my wildest fantasies, I never imagined that I would really be invited
to be on your show.
Mmm.
To be on your show. Mmm. Wild fantasies.
You have a...
I don't know,
you have a... I don't know, something about you.
Would you like to have
some of my sex with me?
Oh, boy, would I.
Some of my sex with me? Oh, boy, would I. Let's go.
All right, this is
let's go. All right, this is a complete lie.
Shut up, zorak. It isn't.
A complete lie. Shut up, zorak. It isn't. She never would have.
We'll check the tape.
We'll check it right after
we'll check the tape. We'll check it right after the show, buddy!
Show's over, genius.
The show, buddy! Show's over, genius. I wasn't told that was--
show's over, genius. I wasn't told that was-- is this a--
and that's "jenius"
with a "j"!
And that's "jenius" with a "j"! This is an ambush show.
With a "j"! This is an ambush show. Your life's about over!
Yeah, whatever.
It's about over
yeah, whatever. It's about over unless you shut up!
I don't want to be
a guest on a talk show!
All right, but...
A guest on a talk show! All right, but... Say it! Say it again,
all right, but... Say it! Say it again, monster!
I never wanted to be on.
Monster! I never wanted to be on. Say what you just said!
Yeah, say it!
Say it!
Whoa!
"Whoa!" Is what America is
whoa! "Whoa!" Is what America is gonna be saying when I spin his
"whoa!" Is what America is gonna be saying when I spin his head off so fast, it'll travel
back in time.
Head off so fast, it'll travel back in time. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Back in time. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you want the
blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you want the time-travel spinning head?
Um...
Time-travel spinning head? Um... Huh? Mister?
Time?
What does that mean?
He doesn't know.
It means there was a time
he doesn't know. It means there was a time when bugs were obedient to man.
This clearly isn't that time.
When bugs were obedient to man. This clearly isn't that time. Nope.
Now, where was I, Jerry?
I don't know.
We were kind of--
ah, yes. The sex.
Of course.
Ah, yes. The sex. Of course. As I moved in to enjoy
of course. As I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained
as I moved in to enjoy the sex, terror rained down from the sky.
The sex, terror rained down from the sky. Ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh.
Down from the sky. Ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh. Are...There...Any bones...
Sticking out?
Um, I can't tell.
You're hidden by a desk.
I was pinned to the earth.
By a freaking ceiling tile.
Don't! Don't, don't, don't!
Heh heh heh!
This was no ordinary
heh heh heh! This was no ordinary ceiling tile, Jerry.
Ok.
Ceiling tile, Jerry. Ok. This was the c. Ling tile!
So, ghost, we meet again.
C. Ling!
That's right. I'm back.
The pleasure is mine.
No, no, no. Correction--
the pleasure is mine. No, no, no. Correction-- the pleasure is all for me.
Sprinkler! Sprinkler!
The pleasure is all for me. Sprinkler! Sprinkler! No!
Oh, ho!
Tap water.
Now I will freeze you
tap water. Now I will freeze you at 60 degrees!
Cool air vent, go!
At 60 degrees! Cool air vent, go! Uh!
Go!
Uh! Go! He's lowering the
go! He's lowering the temperature of my body.
Oh, ho ho!
Temperature of my body. Oh, ho ho! Zorak, contact facilities.
You...
You... Deal with it!
Ow! Son of a... Time to hang, tile!
Asbestos powder! Get up.
Get up and face the powder!
No!
Mmm! Mmm! Suck it in, ghost,
no! Mmm! Mmm! Suck it in, ghost, and prepare to die!
Not while I'm alive.
And prepare to die! Not while I'm alive. Medical school!
Hey! Stop!
Space Ghost has mastered
hey! Stop! Space Ghost has mastered the 5 magics.
May cause drowsiness...
The 5 magics. May cause drowsiness... No!
From your coffin!
You don't have to throw that!
Because you're dead!
Hey. That hurts! No!
Well, it looks like
hey. That hurts! No! Well, it looks like c. Ling will fit in perfectly...
On the roof in jail!
C. Ling will fit in perfectly... On the roof in jail! He sure will, Space Ghost!
Moltar, that's one tile
he sure will, Space Ghost! Moltar, that's one tile that needs to be replaced.
It sure does, Space Ghost.
That needs to be replaced. It sure does, Space Ghost. Shut up, zorak.
You make me sick.
I do, don't I?
Now, don't we have
some sex to take care of? Ha ha ha! Yes.
Some sex to take care of? Ha ha ha! Yes.
That's how I defeated c. Ling
and then, of course, did sex. It was all action, Jerry--
magic and action.
Unbelievable.
Magic and action. Unbelievable. And yet, very true.
And yet, very true.
You're insane. You never
and yet, very true. You're insane. You never even took your clothes off!
Of course I didn't.
Even took your clothes off! Of course I didn't. It was sex!
That's some kind of sex.
Moltar, I will spin your head
that's some kind of sex. Moltar, I will spin your head so fast, it'll collect its own
atmosphere...With gravity.
So fast, it'll collect its own atmosphere...With gravity. What?
Atmosphere...With gravity. What? And you'll be dead!
Why?
Because you weren't
why? Because you weren't alive back then.
Well, that ain't
how I remember it at all!
What was that? Oh, the lying
machine just turned on!
Tell me your story.
Machine just turned on! Tell me your story. First off, I was
tell me your story. First off, I was looking real good.
Oh, here we go.
Looking real good. Oh, here we go. Anyway, Space Ghost
oh, here we go. Anyway, Space Ghost was droning on and on about
anyway, Space Ghost was droning on and on about how he packs for trips.
Was droning on and on about how he packs for trips. 8 pair of underwear.
How he packs for trips. 8 pair of underwear. And I always bring one entire
knapsack full of soap.
Um...And you are?
Knapsack full of soap. Um...And you are? Space Ghost.
Ha ha! Right.
Uh, is your full name
ha ha! Right. Uh, is your full name Space Ghost coast to coast,
uh, is your full name Space Ghost coast to coast, or is it just Space Ghost?
Uh, I don't know.
Or is it just Space Ghost? Uh, I don't know. Hey, want to see
uh, I don't know. Hey, want to see how high I can jump?
Hmm...
How high I can jump? Hmm... I can jump high.
I can go real high!
No. I thought maybe
you were joking.
Ok, here goes.
You were joking. Ok, here goes. Whee!
Whee!
Whee! Whee! Whoopee!
Whee! Whoopee! That went on for....Ever.
Luckily, Boston came by
that went on for....Ever. Luckily, Boston came by and picked me up.
Oh, bull!
And picked me up. Oh, bull! They said they needed
oh, bull! They said they needed a keyboardist, and I said,
they said they needed a keyboardist, and I said, "I'm your man...Tis!"
A keyboardist, and I said, "I'm your man...Tis!" Ughh...
So long, suckers!
And off we went.
¶ that's a lie
and off we went. ¶ that's a lie they had this really cool
ship. It was this whole freaking
city on a flying ufo guitar,
powered by rock 'n' roll!
City on a flying ufo guitar, powered by rock 'n' roll! Lie!
Powered by rock 'n' roll! Lie! Boston rocks!
And where did your friend
Boston take you?
They were on their way
to populate a new world
they were on their way to populate a new world where everyone would just
rock forever.
Where everyone would just rock forever. That's a lie!
Rock forever. That's a lie!
All right! Who wants to rock?
There was not a life form
all right! Who wants to rock? There was not a life form we didn't rock.
Is everybody ready to rock?
We didn't rock. Is everybody ready to rock? Yeah! Play some guitar! Kick it!
Man and mantis,
yeah! Play some guitar! Kick it! Man and mantis, rocking side by side.
We're gonna rock your face!
Rocking side by side. We're gonna rock your face! Ow!
Who's ready to rock 'n' roll?!
Me and Boston, just like that.
We rocked everyone we met.
God, it was beautiful.
And when they were all
rocked out, they dropped me
and when they were all rocked out, they dropped me off at home. Thanks, Boston!
Rocked out, they dropped me off at home. Thanks, Boston! That rocked!
Off at home. Thanks, Boston! That rocked! Hey, Boston, keep on rockin'!
Those guys know how to rock.
Like g.I. Joe with his
those guys know how to rock. Like g.I. Joe with his pants blown off in the war!
Aah! Incoming!
Pants blown off in the war! Aah! Incoming! Oh, no!
See that?
I touched the ceiling!
And that's when he
started crying for mama.
Mama!
Started crying for mama. Mama!
Mama! I wasn't saying "mama."
I was saying "trauma," like the
I wasn't saying "mama." I was saying "trauma, " like the kind I was about to dish out.
I was saying "trauma," like the kind I was about to dish out. I was announcing it beforehand.
Kind I was about to dish out. I was announcing it beforehand. To your mama.
Besides, if I cried, it was
to your mama. Besides, if I cried, it was because of kung-fu lasers
besides, if I cried, it was because of kung-fu lasers and starvation.
Why don't you explain that? Yeah, explain it. This is all a damned lie!
Um...
Don't listen to him, Jerry!
I'll blow your brains clear
don't listen to him, Jerry! I'll blow your brains clear into that riverbank, zorak.
Yeah, sure you will.
Into that riverbank, zorak. Yeah, sure you will. But you were friends.
Why would you do that?
But you were friends. Why would you do that? Why are you always trying
why would you do that? Why are you always trying to get ahead of me, mantis?
You're all lying!
To get ahead of me, mantis? You're all lying! Oh! Moltar!
That's right, Jerry. Moltar.
First of all, I had the
that's right, Jerry. Moltar. First of all, I had the beautiful rock hair.
Space Ghost was in the thing,
beautiful rock hair. Space Ghost was in the thing, talking to someone.
Ha ha ha! Oh, no!
Talking to someone. Ha ha ha! Oh, no! I had everything
ha ha ha! Oh, no! I had everything under control, as usual,
when all of a sudden...
Under control, as usual, when all of a sudden... Psst!
When all of a sudden... Psst! Hey, buddy.
Who said that?
Me.
Where's the driver?
I'm a talking car.
Why are you here?
Why is anyone here?
Whoa!
And that was when I decided
whoa! And that was when I decided I just need to spend a lot
and that was when I decided I just need to spend a lot more time in church.
A talking car. Really. No, you know what? I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs,
no, you know what? I told it wrong. I had broken my lungs, that's what it was. And I was
in the process of gluing them
back together.
In the process of gluing them back together. So there I am,
and I start hearing
so there I am, and I start hearing this scary piano music.
And I start hearing this scary piano music. So I turn around, and there's
this guy standing there,
so I turn around, and there's this guy standing there, and he's wearing this mask, and
I'm like, "what's up with that?"
And he's wearing this mask, and I'm like, "what's up with that?" And he's got this knife,
and he just starts coming at me,
and he's got this knife, and he just starts coming at me, and the knife's, like, going,
"drr, drr, drr!"
And the knife's, like, going, "drr, drr, drr!" You mean, uh, Michael Myers?
"Drr, drr, drr!" You mean, uh, Michael Myers? Oh, you know him? 'Cause he
you mean, uh, Michael Myers? Oh, you know him? 'Cause he was coming right at me.
Yeah. He's in this movie--
"Halloween." The one I
yeah. He's in this movie-- "Halloween." The one I loaned to you a year ago!
My movie, remember?
Loaned to you a year ago! My movie, remember? Ok, all right, ok.
So maybe it was a movie.
I guess I was watching it
so maybe it was a movie. I guess I was watching it with some of my friends.
Pfft!
With some of my friends. Pfft! I don't know if you
pfft! I don't know if you know them. They're the
rock band Boston.
Know them. They're the rock band Boston. I don't know them.
Rock band Boston. I don't know them. He doesn't know them.
Look at his face! He's lying!
I'm not lying!
Oh, gosh.
Truth is relative, zorak!
Especially when you're lying!
Huh...
The trueness of one's truth,
huh... The trueness of one's truth, zorak, is clearly based on
the trueness of one's truth, zorak, is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies.
Zorak, is clearly based on their vernacular inaccuracies. What?
Their vernacular inaccuracies. What? Um...
What? Um... Yes, zorak. Everyone knows
um... Yes, zorak. Everyone knows that to be true. And you're dumb
yes, zorak. Everyone knows that to be true. And you're dumb for not knowing that.
That to be true. And you're dumb for not knowing that. What?
For not knowing that. What? I have to be going soon.
As Moltar clearly said,
the vascular...
Say it.
The vascular... Say it. You know, if you couldn't
say it. You know, if you couldn't understand the first time,
you know, if you couldn't understand the first time, I shouldn't have to waste
my mouth saying it again.
It's not like
I have another job.
Saying what again?
Yeah, what are you saying?
What I'm saying...
That's not what I said.
What I'm saying...
Bee-otch!
What I'm saying is...
Saying things are not relative.
This can't be during
saying things are not relative. This can't be during a sweeps.
And that, my friends,
is the only truth.
Is there an end
to any of this?
The other truth...
To any of this? The other truth... Is that I totally did sex
the other truth... Is that I totally did sex with that girl.
Ok.
With that girl. Ok. Because I did.
Good.
I completely totally did.
Yes.
Yes. I think you can say the
yes. Yes. I think you can say the two of us did that activity.
Oh, and zorak?
Two of us did that activity. Oh, and zorak? There was a performance...
I totally hung out
there was a performance... I totally hung out with Boston.
At the theater,
if you catch my drift.
Hey, thanks, guys.
If you catch my drift. Hey, thanks, guys. And we worked it from
hey, thanks, guys. And we worked it from the balcony to the loge.
Nice talking to you. Bye-bye.
The balcony to the loge. Nice talking to you. Bye-bye.